I was doing some reading about gender equality issues in India and i found this rather nice paragraph about women rights in India, how it might affect the natural family dynamics and whether education should be differentiated for men and women, whether women should be allowed to work and achieve economic independence.

According to some, being economically independent means they are given more options to marry or not to marry, to stay in a bad marraige or not etc. The number of recorded divorces are significantly lower than in the west. Note: RECORDED divorces, some women just stay in the marriage because of the stigma they will face as as divorcee in the traditional society they live in.

What then happens if more and more women opt to be single because they dont have to depend on men?

Enough of my thoughts and here it is the quote :

Families are seen as suffused with love and altruism- ‘the heart of the heartless world’ Resources and tasks are assumed to be shared equitably, so as to take account of everyone’s needs. Incomes are assumed to be pooled, preferences shared, and decisions jointly-made. Conflicts either do not surface or get easily resolved

For those of you whole love travle stories, check out liya.wordpress

(dont wanna link her because she might find out)

She has wonderful stories of Morroco and Spain. She is a real traveller! Have fun, she just put photos from her trip up.

• Allah, most Gracious says about spouses in Quran:

Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. Qur’an [30 : 21]

• Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:

…Marry the women of your choice… Qur’an [4 : 3]

• Narrated Abdullah: “We were with the Prophet, peace be upon him, while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah’s Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.’” [Bukhari]

• Narrated Abu Huraira: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.’” [Bukhari]

• Narrated Ibn Abbas: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `If anyone of you, when having a sexual intercourse with his wife says: In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. an offspring) from Satan and if it is destined that they should have a child, then Satan will never be able to harm him.’” [Bukhari]
• Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.

Read more here!

The purpose of Marriage.

You must be wondering why so many stuff on marriage I just happen to come across some interesting stuff while searching for a site which i used to visit. She has really good articles.

The word “zawj” is used in the Qur’an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger – i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is “mithaq” – a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don’t like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) ” Mahr” a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Is Marriage obligatory? read more here! No harm gaining more knowledge It might not all be true…

The link i posted yesterday on the etiquettes of Islam or something, something she said caught my eye and i wasnt sure it can be fixed.

Its the Mahr’ in muslim marriages. Frequently confused with DOWRY in the indian culture or the HANTARAN in the malay culture. It should not be treated as the same. Jannah mentioned in her blog that the Mahr should be around 3* the salary of the man. (that is alot!, ok maybe not for the standard today)  I just dont agree that it should be fixed. Of course its nice if its fixed…we know how to gauge ourselves that way. BUT ITS NOT.

Oh i just recalled a dear friend who asked me to find some facts about this before, whether Hantaran was in Islam or not. I was quite sure it isn’t. I wonder to myself alot, why then do people still do it? Why just follow…

I had this interesting idea a few hours ago about how it’ll be nice to just….(shall only tell the person who is involved in my *crazy* ’plans’)

*hint* has to do with n**** (im so so secretive, people can get mad with me!)

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Prior knowledge:

1. I used to call it the Emas Kahwin, in English, gold (as in jewellry) of  marriage.
2. It is given to the wife during the nikah (signing of the official marriage contract). Will be mentioned when the ‘Qadi’ holds the guys hand and say all that the man promises to do, be responsible for. ” You are marrying *so and so* for a hantaran of *$$$* …….sah!” haha vague memory of my brother’s wedding. I took a video of his marriage vow but i cant find it anymore. yikes! 
3. I attended 1 nikah in Singapore (brother’s), 2 in Malaysia (cousins brothers) and 1 in India (that i understood close to  nothing).
4. The mahr (emas kahwin) is whatever amount the women asks (stated in the quran!) There is a hadis i will share later.

Now…what i found out

• In the first era of Islam marriage was a simple affair, without pomp or ceremony. Any expenditure incurred in its performance was quite minimal, and not a burden on either family. Indeed, the Prophet stated: ‘the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.’ (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255).

Ain’t it nice if marriages were still like that, a simple affair.

• The mahr is a compulsory part of an Islamic marriage contract. The other words for mahr generally used in the Qur’an are sadaqah and ajr, meaning reward or gift to the bride in which there is profit but no loss, and faridah, literally that which has been made obligatory, or an appointed portion. Allah commanded: ‘Give women their faridah as a free gift.‘ (4:4) -> means you can refer to the Quran Surah An Nisa, verse 4.
• It is a gift of money, possessions or property made by the husband to the wife, which becomes her exclusive property. It is an admission of her independence, for she becomes the owner of the money or property immediately, even though she may have owned nothing before.
• The Prophet gave each of his wives a payment of mahr, ranging from token sums, the granting of freedom from slavery when being made a wife, to the payment of 400-500 dirhams. His wife Umm Habibah’s mahr consisted of 4000 dirhams, this sum having been fixed by Najashi, the Negus (a Christian ruler) of Abyssinia. (Abu Dawud, Kitab an-Nikah, 2:235).
• There was in fact no fixed upper limit for mahr. Allah required the provision to depend upon the circumstances of the husband:

‘…the wealthy according to his means, and the straitened in circumstances according to his means. The gift of a reasonable amount is necessary from those who wish to act in the right way.’ (2:236).

In a famous case, the second Caliph, Umar b. al-Khattab, once gave a public sermon in which he asked the congregation to refrain from fixing heavy mahrs, and stated that the Prophet had declared no-one should give more than 400 dirhams. A woman immediately stood up and challenged him, quoting the verse 4:20 from the Qur’an: ‘But if you decide to take a wife in place of another, even if you had given the first a heap of gold (quintar) for a dowry, you shall not take the least bit back.’ Umar went back to the minbar and withdrew his words stating ‘the woman is right, and Umar is wrong. Whoever wishes may give as much property as he wishes to give.’ (Ibn Hajar al-Athqalani, Fath al-Bari, 9:167).

• It is unIslamic for a Muslim woman to set a huge demand for herself, with the intention of deterring suitors of humble means. Islam does not require husbands and wives to come from the same social strata or income brackets – although this may often seem to be advisable. Islamic compatibility is based on religious faith and mutual respect, not on money, caste (another Hindu custom), class, background, nationality, etc.

Ask your mum to see this Adilah! Islam is beautiful, dont make it hard for a man who want to marry your daughter the rightful way. Willing to give your daughter anything. Show her that?

• If the prospective husband is not a wealthy man, a generous wife may choose to accept very small mahr, but this has to be her own free choice. She should not be coerced or have pressure put on her in any way. Some of the Prophet’s female companions accepted their husbands’ conversions to Islam, or memorising of ayat of the Qur’an, or giving education to others as their mahr.
• A good woman might agree on a low mahr if she wishes, or none at all, according to the circumstances of her husband.

All can be taken from here. Read more if you wish ;) Hope it was insightful and helpful!

Another very interesting post in relations to Lebanese/Arab men…and hymen reconstruction by whom? Read more to find out.

Lazy to type what i think of this so just provide the link to something interesting

I dont agree with everything she mentions perhaps some parts of her rules are based on her culture…so take it with a pinch of salt, people!

One evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious and practicing.

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose parents emphasized for him to get married. They had seen so many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in mind. However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would always say “she’s not the one!”

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which was hard to find).

On that evening, the young man and girl were left to talk and ask each other question (as one would expect). The young man, being a gentleman that, he was allowed, young lady to ask first. Young girl asked the young man so many questions. She asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his time pass, his experiences, his shoe size and his likes and dislikes. Basically everything! And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring and politely with a smile. Young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour and felt bad and asked the young man do you have any questions?

Young man said, yes, only have 3 questions… Young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, go ahead and shoot. Young man’s first question was,

(1) Who do you love the most in the world, someone who’s love nothing would ever overcome? She said, this is an easy question! Answer to your question is my mother. Young man smiled and asked second question,

(2) You said that you read a lot of Qur’an, could you tell me which Surahs you know the meaning of? Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I am hoping to soon Inshallah I have just been a bit busy. The third question the young man asked, was

(3) I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are lot more prettier than you, why should I marry you? Hearing this, the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty and intelligence. And the young man and his parents were once again, left without an agreement of marriage.

This time, the young man’s parents were really angry and said what did you do to anger that young girl, the family was so nice and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl? Tell us!

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HIS EXPLAINATION

Young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? She said, her mother. The parents said so, what is wrong with that?

Young man said, “no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah (SWT) and his Messenger more than anyone else in the world.” If a woman loves Allah (SWT) and Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me and stay faithful to me, because of that love and fear for Allah (SWT). And we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

Young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of Holy Qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any Surah? And she said no. because I haven’t had time yet.

So I remembered the saying of Imam Shafi’i, “All humans are dead except those who have knowledge … And all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds .. And those who do good are deceived, except those who are sincere … And those who are sincere are always in a state of worry (for others).”

She has lived 20 years on this earth and not found any time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights and responsibilities and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman is the Madrasah (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman, who has no time for Allah (SWT), will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose her? That is why she stormed off, getting angry. Young man’s parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing; we are going back there to apologize.

Young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger. Holy Prophet Muhammad said “Do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry” repeatedly when asked how to become pious, because anger is from Satan. If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband?

So, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on: Knowledge not looks, Practice not preaching, Forgiveness not anger, Spiritual love not lust and compromise!

One should look for a person who

(1) Has love for Allah (SWT) and his Messenger

(2) Has knowledge of the deen (religion), and can act upon it

(3) can control her anger and another important and crucial factor that she be

(4) willing to compromise. And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things.

May Allah (SWT) make every marriage a success and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger so that Allah (SWT) can bless us, and create love in our lives. There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage. Holy Prophet Muhammad ~~~~~*****~~~~~

Seven days Without GOD

~~~~~*****~~~~~ Without GOD, our week would be:

Sinday

Mournday

Tearsday

Wasteday

Thirstday

Fightday

Shatterday

Remember seven days Without GOD Makes One Weak

I thought this was really funny but poor guy!

Price to pay perhaps….

check out the short video here.

A few other videos from this site is also quite cool…like this.

The main site is http://www.thewaytohappiness.org/?gclid=CMLt6MGw6Z0CFQQupAod5U93Og#/home