thoughts that haunt me

5 Oct
It is scary when the thought of death haunts us.

When someone posed me the question; do you want to carry on in your life as a halfway here halfway there muslimah or fully practice the religion of the Almighty?

I thought, is this God’s answer to my prayer? What kind of a fool am I? Why can’t I weigh for myself whether it is time?

Here it is all that I asked for but am I being choosy and refusing what has been offered? Or am I being too vulnerable and rash in making a decision which requires more time?

I dont know what I want. Why cant i be as certain as i am in other matters? Why am I so fickle minded? But is this it? How do I know??? I am not asking the One who owns the answer to my muddled head. Why??? Even that I don’t know.

Do I deserve this? I feel too polluted with this worldly life I am living in. I have only myself to blame.

I said my immaturity has caused wrath but will it cause more harm with my actions?

Disagreements. Anger. Pacifying. Mannerisms. Promises. Plans.

I want to be away from all these problems. I want nothing.


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