Archive | May, 2009

im sailing at sea

30 May

 How shall i describe what is happening…*thinks hard*

I was invited to board a sail-boat. What was a joyous and smooth start made me look far ahead into the dark waters, the end, i will never know. As we sailed on, a few unavoidable rocky waves, a turbulance did the job of making the sail stable once again. The captain knew i was about to jump off-board when the uncertainty of the vast sea was too much for me to take. And now the boat is sailing amidst calm waters…uncertainty is what makes life exciting, no?

Thus the certainty of life is like being in the vast open sea on a sail boat…what awaits – a storm, calm waters one will never know.  

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What i hear, saddens me and worries me greatly.

Someone asked me, if your husband tells you not to wear hijab – but you want to, is it right then not to wear? Now…*takes a deep breath* i was all defensive but then i reminded myself to not allow my opinion to affect my answer. Logically, perintah Tuhan (verse from the quran) should have a higher regard compared to whatever else, no?

Argh i dont even want to think about it! If like that i dont want to marry such a husband man! This goes to show that you should marry someone who has the same religious level/grounding as you. Otherwise…subahanallah.

So must think very very carefully and choose…like choosing fish! haha

Do’akan untuk suami2 macam gitu untuk bukakan hati mereka dan senang menerima rahmah dari tuhan…Ameen.

~God knows what is best~

Advertisements

problem solving for dummies (a specific dummy)

30 May

Hurdle after hurdle.

Time will tell.

Life is never without problems – it is how you choose to deal with the problems. When i feel like my head will burst because the mountain of trouble is beginning to bring me down, i untangle the webbed thoughts and set it out in front of me.

Step 1: After listing it down, i think of how each of the problems can be solved and i chuck all the uncessary worries at the back of my head. The prominently irritating one will be dealt with.

For example,

Problem: My mum cant accept my boyfriend ( serious enough to go to next stage*)

Measures to take: No point talking to my mum. Seriously you are not the only one with a difficult mum. EVERY mother is difficult, trust me!

I have got to do something not sit around and count the sheeps!

  • I tell my parents that we go out for lunch or dinner, just me and parents (no useless siblings tagging along, unless they are supportive, you dont want too many cooks spoiling the broth now, do you?).
  • I prepare a speech – make sure I have their full attention! ****(over desert maybe)
  • To the point – i like him and he likes me.
  • List down all the worries they have about your alien(to them) Indian boyfriend
    • People have problems with the indian husband because they are stupid! urm, i have never heard of problemless marriages?
    • You know, mum, you married an Indian too – are you trying to tell me dad is no good? (indian still indian – pekat or celup)
    • Whatever you are afraid of, I assure you that I believe my bf is different. I have known him a long time and if you know him how i know him, you’d say i chose a good man. I look at his heart, mother not his race – for even the prophet encouraged intercultural marriage.
    • And mother, I am one of the thousands of ‘Malay’ girls marrying Indian. (No biggie!)
    • Look around you and you’ll see the millions of people who married someone from across the world where culture actually clash and they live for years together.
    • The Malay race is not a tad superior to the Indian race nor any other race. God made us all the same…

That is all i can manage for now 🙂 the rest my dear friend, please add on and utilise this.

Oh God, Im beat!

29 May

When i used to exert myself in the past, it is just fatigue i feel at the end of the day. But now…hmm must be the effect of ageing.

Im glad to be still blessed. 🙂

The night was good – had a nice conversation.

The next morning proved to be good too.

p.s adilah, sorry a million times. I know no excuse 🙂 😦 see im in between…

First part of the day – was a breeze! *more well-behaved kids

In between the 1st part and second part – i was walking to a class which was having god knows what lesson which turned out to be conversational Malay which i had to sit in and watch in the dark! Argh i swear i would fall asleep if it was a millisecond longer. Back to the part when i was walking….

*drumrolls*

Firstly must explain my situation…i was groggy! I was am still very blur and weak so dragging my feet to meet this class which i remember to be quite a handful, really.

The same person, maybe i should give him a name, Mr Muscle! haha so this Mr Muscle walked in the opposite direction and he gave me a bright bright smile and said, ” Selamat Pagi Cikgu” and what did super blur sotong me do? Smile widely without replying like some idiot!

I always do things like that! And then regret 😦

You know i actually wished i would meet him again so that i can apologise for my rude behavior and reply his good morning. AND THEN he walked past me again and smiled widely and i said Hello softly as he gave a small wave.

Wait wait, there is more – he walked past my table with his food in one hand, turned his head, looked and smiled again as i smiled of course(that is like the only thing i can manage!). I think i should change his name to Mr Smiley.

Disclaimer: Please dont get me wrong, teachers always smile and acknowledge one another and he is not the only one but i just happen to bump into him a lil too often.

I went to the canteen for some food and ohh the sweet little kids were saying Hi/Hello/Cikgu Parvin to me and calling my name like i was some kind of Superstar/superhero maybe? See what the kids can do to you? haha well that was like the end of my good smiling day ….

The second part of the day

as i scowled the rest of the day – what with the fire drill and standing under the sun with the non-stop-chatterboxes and the lesson which followed.

I felt all my energy sucked out from already weak me, literally! I swayed as i walked till i gently lie on the desk and allowed my pounding head to rest.

>>_______________________________________________<<

Much to ponder, when im feeling better of course or my head might just burst.

I conclude; school can be like heaven and hell, metaphorically speaking of course.

graduation alas!

27 May

updates*

1. Something good did come out of it, besides the fact that perhaps it was

2. sin-cleansing!

3. graduation!!! Ha…wasnt as exciting – i was in a daze 😦

Its over anyway! So here are the much waited and anticipated photos….

DSC00081

DSC00080

DSC00076

4144_109659362183_565482183_3136185_1818843_n

4144_109659392183_565482183_3136190_3243478_n

4659_107942393437_784108437_2662780_8212575_n

endurance

27 May

Just when i was complaining about the monotony of my life, instead of being thankful of what God has showered me with, *BAM*!!!

Life had to stop for a while, may be longer if He wishes.

Expect the unexpected

Life has one unexpected turn after another; sometimes there is no traffic light to warn you of the change.  Wait, watch and endure. Yesterday’s graduation speech did have some impact –

ACE; Aspiration, Continual Learning, Endurance.

Endurance now has a different meaning to me.

DSC00083

I wanted to keep the tag which was on my wrist for 4 days to remind me of

the sacrifices,

the burden,

the pain,

the tears,

the people who showed love when i needed them the most,

the person who didnt let go of my hand through it all,

the One who was watching me on trial to see how i performed and whether or not i muhasabah (think back and regret and taubat)

All these thinking is necessary. For He wanted to show me that He had the power to take everything away from me anytime and no one guranteed me a tomorrow.

 

tmi?

20 May

There is so much to say…but nothing i feel like saying. 

except maybe; 🙂 😦 🙂 😦 🙂

I realised that i dont really know my fears. And that is a scary thought. Ironically, i’ve been saying im scared about alot of what is happening, not that alot if happening though. 

What am i scared of? One thing i know for sure, always at the back of my mind – the cause of worry. Other than that, i am unaware of what i am afraid of. If anyone knows about it, please let drop me a line 🙂

what is beyond my hope is beyond me

18 May

quote-wallpaper128

Just as i was thinking of giving up, for i can’t take it anymore,(trust me, it is torture) a dear friend gave me some hope. With that, my day went on better compared to the miserable feeling i wake up to and drag myself around feeling like a useless dumbhead.

My friend made me think, perhaps there was little to make me want to give up, for all i knew was nothing much.

And so, i have decided to hold on…for a while now and give it sometime, some thought….to find out what is beyond my hope.

The monotony of life.

17 May

It has got to me, yet again. Dang!

Amidst the routine life i lead, something interesting has been happening but i wonder now if it will last. That is a lingering thought.

Due to the monotony i was speaking of, i didnt realise it wasnt the normal classes today but the exams which marks the end of the semester. That is how lightly i take my exam at sunday classes, not proud of it, i am. Fortunate for me though, these exams are not that hard to study. The challenge was making me study at all.

That is not all though, i remembered at 8.30am that my 9am exam was at another venue and not where i normally have classes. Alhamdulilah.

Ohh and im so lousy at directions! I cant help it with what has been bothering my mind, making it even worse.

———————————————————————————————

I love mysteries. But definitely not the kind of mystery I am faced with now.

wrong message, no help either

16 May

All the mighty brain is telling me to do is SLEEP!

After quite a nice and expensive lunch, the body is taking instructions from the brain to use up the food for energy but then where is all the energy going then? Wrong channel? Instead storing the carbohydrates as fats and fats and fats, im crapping. It is the food, not me. Brain down already. 

Ooops! My brain is sending the wrong message! If you must know, i should be studying for the 9am exam tomorro which i forgot about till like 2pm just now. Cant concentrate, my brain is drawing me to my bed. Only im not where my bed is, is that fortunate for me then? I am forced to study…boo hoo 😦

———————————————————————-

Of late, if you’d noticed –  i use alot of smileys in my post. Wanna know why? I wont let the cat out of the bag though.

You know, when u have a few good friends whom you can depend on – when one is busy, at least you have an alternative. Unfortunately for me, when one is busy, the other is busy as well. Its not a love triangle! Never have been! But well, dont wish to elaborate 🙂

memories of ateam

15 May
Im feeling miserable again! Argh!!!

Well, i decided to blog about something which made me smile – i just happened to come across NYP Ateam blog, havent done that since eons ago and guess what, there is a picture which includes me!

Actually iy is more of a poster :) Which is cooler by the way...
Actually it is more of a poster 🙂 Which is cooler by the way…

 It was taken during one of the graduation duties i did…together with most of the ambassadores, was a major duty. I think i know why they chose one with me.

If you notice, there are girls and guys in the picture, a fair share. AND, I represent the girls with tudung here to make the new tudung ambassadors feel more welcome, perhaps.

Somehow, the picture does look kind of nice as well 🙂

this is the original...