Archive | September, 2009

relatives who made me think

27 Sep

I keep telling myself that i shouldnt have followed my parents out visiting because i was dead tired by the time we reached home!

We visited a couple of interesting people relatives and we debated on shared religious knowledgede. Before i get on with that, we visited a friend of my father’s. He had stroke when he was 50years old, supposedly out of the blue. Masyallah. (God is great and i am scared*nervously biting my nails*)

His wife was kind of ‘complaining’ about him, says he doesnt want to pray anymore and when he puasa (fast) – he is not serious. The wife is a superwoman; she makes kueh, cakes, cooks for events, teaches mengaji (reading of the holy Koran)  and looks after her husband as well as grandchild. Very active lady i must say. “When you look after a child, after 16 years perhaps they would know how to dress themselves and do things on their own,” she said in Malay. Her husband has been paralysed for 16 years! He is 66 this year, slightly younger than my grandma. I felt like crying when she said that. (soft soft me) I cannot imagine such a thing … in my life…we are so fortunate today, now….its scary to think what could happen to us.

My mum recently recounted my experience few months back when suddenly something came over me and i was sick for a while…yea i know its sin cleansing but i prayed hard for Allah to cure me faster because i couldnt take it. It was probably a very very small way of Him showing me something or it could be so many other reasons. It still remains a mystery, i dont know what came over me.

I didnt think that something would happen and my life had to be on hold for a week plus. We never consider putting our lives on hold, God decides when we have moved to far from where we are supposed to be. Siratulmustaqim.

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Relative #1

He had a picture of his ‘teacher’ (religious teacher) on his wall. And here we thought, no pictures should be on the wall. What i heard, Malaikat wont enter the house it seems.

His counterargument: If Malaikat wants to take your life, he will still enter. His reason for putting the photo is to serve as a reminder that he should do more ibadah.

Ya sure, but i heard some people actually bow or ensure that their head does not go above their teacher’s photo which is hung on the wall. Terlalu mengagungkan manusia lain. Honestly why should we? But shouldnt we just do more ibadah in the rememberance of death or piety? (mum’s argument)

Sidetrack: Have you heard people say that you should not bathe urm in your birthday suit because you should be shy of the Malaikat? My Ustaz recently said, that is bullshit (ok he didnt exactly say that)! Why should Malaikat enter the toilet, its a dirty place (tempat najis). It of course does not mean that if someone dies in the toilet Malaikat Jibrail doesnt enter the toilet to take his life. Malaikat can enter anyway on Allah’s command.

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Relative #2

The main issue here is whether keeping the beard is wajib or sunnah.

I have never heard it to be wajib. Never in my a little over two decades of life. He had some good points like it makes one recognisable as a muslim thus makes it easier for the exchange of salam. It is indeed a wonderful thing to give salam, highly encouraged. Other reasons:

  • It makes one a man. XXX . What if a man dont have facial hair? (he is such a disadvantaged soul)
  • To show your obedience to God. XXX . I dont see how but he said there is a hadith. (must check if its sahih or not)

The weird thing is he looks messy with it and it might make employers not want to employ him because he is not presentable. Or course looks arent everything but the first impression counts.

I have to research on this…any help is very much welcomed.

Protected: the few photos i managed

22 Sep

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Eid for me~

19 Sep

Perhaps im extra excited about Eid/ Raya because i missed it last year. And i actually like it, even as old as i am, i still like it. 🙂 When i came back from Finland in December, i felt like Eid was approaching, lame i know.

Eid is nice, no?

  • meeting relatives – see what they’ve been up to.
  • Whose kid has suddenly shot up and is taking his/her ‘o’ level when you last remember them as little boys/girls.
  • Eating is of course the most enjoyable! =p The food offered to guests would most likely be super-licious.
  • Everyone is in such high spirits.
  • The houses would be so pretty and nice.

What happens with each family is unique,i.e.the food we eat every morning of Raya, our day’s events!

  • Family bonding time! That is what is lacking more and more as we get so busy in our lives. The car space is most utilised only during Eid…otherwise the whole family almost never go out together. It means there would be quarrels and happy moments which would be forgotten by the time night approaches. (that is the way with my family anyway)
  • the little cam-whoring we do
  • Going to my grandma’s place every malam raya! I enjoy this quite alot. Get to see my cousins especially. Leaving my grandma’s house will always take 30mins to an hour because ‘the talk’ never seem to end. We go last minute shopping sometimes as well, the whole big extended family. I used to drag my parents to geylang on malam raya so that i could get henna painted on my hands. (vain i know!) I realised how pointless it is since the henna lasts for 4-5 days? Sometimes, i would decorate my little cousins’ hands with henna. They all love it, no matter how ‘pretty i draw’.
  • Getting ready every morning on Raya and heading to my grandma’s again! It used to be my paternal grandma’s house for breakfast and maternal grandma’s house for dinner but paternal grandma passed away few years back. In between we will visit many many houses…(all my parents grandaunts, granduncles, random random people i know because we go there every year, hehe…of course im kidding about them being random people)
  • The second day of raya would begin with my aunts/uncles visiting our house. It is enjoyable, dont ask me why. Im weird, in the things i enjoy. Then my family would head out house-visiting again!

Now you see why i miss Eid/Raya when i was in Finland?

I missed hearing the takbir on both Eid-ul-fitri and Eid-ul-adha  so i played it on Youtube. The experience wasn’t all that bad because for the first time, i went for Eid prayers in Finland. But that was it people, i spent the rest of the day on internet,

Eid was strictly according to the moon-sighting in Finland so we celebrated Eid a day earlier! I called my parents at 2am Singapore time because i wanted to ask for forgiveness and as expected cry my eyes out. (cry baby, still a baby to them ;))

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Why is it that i enjoy blogging and not doing my readings? It dont make sense, im not making sense!  

19 Sep

orc14

I kinda like this. Its simple yet elegant, no? i want to wear like that for my wedding 🙂 hahaha!

~from hijab style, a few more nice dresses there!

super long perhaps pointless post!

19 Sep

My friend was talking to me about his wedding woes.

Some couples are saving up together in a joint bank account. My other friend told me they saved $50 per month per person for their wedding.

The issue with hantaran is Malay tradition but it has become something people look at as a compulsory aspect of wedding. To the extent that it has become an issue of discussion and comparison. The higher it is the more worth the girl is? The more educated the girl is, the higher the hantaran. (this it what i heard before)

I was telling my friend, sometimes i look at the guy with pity because parents of the girls expect the hantaran to be very high. Which parent thinks their precious daughter shouldn’t be worth as much as $10,000(mere example but there are hantarans worth this much and more even)

>>>>someone i know, he married for the second time at the age of 55 years old and he offered his wife $10,000 hantaran. He has a stable job of a few decades and has a mercedes. That can be expected of a working man of that age, 10k is just a small fraction of his CPF savings only. It is unfair to expect so much from guys whom you get to know in school and have to serve 2 years of NS afterwhich they start working for a few years. How much can they save and what is the purpose of the hantaran? It goes to the parents, no? (this i’m not sure) If the parents of the girls use it for the wedding i guess it is helpful and lightens the burden. Guys are supposed to support anyway. (there is a reason why guys get so much inheritance!) Dont get me wrong because i still dont support the hantaran idea.

So the question about hantaran. It is not in Islam. But Emas kahwin is compulsory and i have a vague memory that a girl can ask for as much as she wants. My friend was saying the girl shouldnt ask too much or their life would not be easy. If the guy has to work hard to earn that, his life wouldb’t be too good. Thus the girl ahs to ask how much the guy can afford. He said an imam said families go through money problem because of wedding expenses, they get loan to pay off their weddings. Simple wedding is the way to go i guess.

I told him (my friend), the roles of men and women have changed over the years.

What to expect not to change, what should change is not clear anymore.

In the past, husbands work and provide for the family while wives stayed at home to look after the children, clean the house, cook sumptous meals and be ready for the husband when he gets back hom tired from a day’s work. (men like to feel important 😉 all the wife does the whole day is wait for her husband to come home because her life revolves mainly around him) p.s. i might be exaggerating but it makes things clearer for us all.

Now,  both husband and wife works. One should note that, the husband’s money belongs to his wife as well as himself but the wife’s money belong to her alone. (cool eh 🙂 ) However, wives and husbands share the burden anyway, i guess its only nice and sweet of the wives to offer to help their poor husbands. But there are some husbands i salute, they dont allow their wives to work because it is indeed their responsibility to support their family. Or it could be man’s pride or some other male – ego related issues.

For housework, wife can tell her husband that she is as tired as he is so he can serve himself or not satisfy his *ahem*. Who should do the laundry? Do together? Who should cook? No need to cook since both are working. What about the children? Outside food is unhealthy and expensive. => negative impact on family health.

Speaking of children, what should happen to them. Send to childcare or looked after by grandparents. I guess this is not that bad but still parents and grandparents provide different care.  My friend loves her grandma more because she was brought up by her grandma. I dont want that to happen to me after suffering during child-birth which is only god knows how painful. (this could be a skewed view because its based on one person’s experience and lots of factors to consider before concluding)

Im going out of point! Yea about the role of men and women.

Men used to pay on dates because its just that way. Now, both share the bill of their meals/movies. I guess it makes sense as women are earning as well. Men used to pay for weddings for the same reason, women didnt use to work so much or their salary is one of a negligable amount. Women can ask her husband for a dress, for instance and her husband cant tell her to get it herself since she has her own money. There is no chance for a your money/ my money arguement, since mostly its the husband’s money. When they go for trips, there isnt a need to argue who should pay for what etc. The husband will give a small amount of money to the wife for herself, called nafkah.

>>>>>>>for this i think the way it worked for a couple i know is they share their money. They do argue about money but it happens so seldom. I guess it depends on the couple as well. How calculative they are and working with one another to find the best way to avoid money issues. Couples have enough issues to argue about, do they need more?

>>>>>>another way, I read in the magazine is for the couple to have their own accounts but a shared account to pool money for the house bills, everyday expenses.

Basically, one shouldn’t be too calculative, i think. If you count every penny, you complicate life. Life is complicated enough. Seriously if you think about it, would a dollar make you richer or poorer? The more you give here (this worldly life), the more you’d get there (the after life).

some scary facts about hell

13 Sep

Since there would be an abundance of food and drinks in heaven, do you not wonder if people would grow fat? That is imperfection, people and heaven is not imperfect. How then, if you know already, we do not need to dispose of what we eat in a toilet or dispose of it anywhere. We lose our body waste by sweating it out and the sweat is sweet smelling 🙂 Aint it just wonderful?

In contrast, the picture painted of hell is painful to hear. You’d be so hungry and thirsty that you’d eat the food which cuts through your throat and boiling water which burns your entire digestive system. The pain makes the inhabitant of hell suffer till death, but made alive again to experience excrutiating pain again and again.

The sinner would be restrained with chains above the boiling well of hellfire. The smoke would cause one to be burnt and one’s eye to feel sore. Hell is covered on top so it means the heat would be contained and unbearable. The heat we know of is 1/70 of what the inhabitants of hell would experience. Think of fire and * 69 and that is hell!

God is so kind, He made the hell 70* worse but heaven 100* better than earth. So whatever you enjoy here, it will be 100* better in heaven.

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During another lesson, ustazah was saying there was a little boy who misbehaved and they called his father. (point is when a child is naughty it reflects on the parents) And when questioned of his behavior, the boy said to his father that he married a woman like that.

She didnt make it very clear but what she was trying to say was choose the right person to marry. It determines alot of your life. To the guys, choose a woman who you think would be able to inculcate good values in your children. (of course much more but this is one thing you should consider)

Guys, if you are unable to carry out your duties i.e. provide nafkah for your wife no matter how much your wifes earns, dont get married.

And girls, if  you’re not ready to serve your husband, dont get married.

Im quoting the ustazah here. I think she has a rather shrewed way of looking at it, its too rigid a condition. But oh well it is kind of true that the roles of spouses are changing with the ever changing times. You can’t change everything to suit the times, somethings are just meant to be followed if you want to be happy and successfully reach heaven 🙂

p.s. for nafkah, (for the point of view of an ustaz) its not everything that your wife asks of you is nafkah but what is necessary like clothes, food etc. not luxury.

about the ‘lovely crocs’

12 Sep

I actually LOVE my CROCS 🙂

It did look kind of ugly, the guy type of crocs but the female types are not too bad, can fit very nicely with the shape of the feet.

Well about CROCS…

Full disclosure: I have never worn Crocs, except for that day with the unpleasant episode of the exploding garbage disposal, about which the less said, the better. But otherwise, that’s not for any particular reason other than that Crocs don’t come up much. I’m inside all day, and regrettably, I work for a company that requires me to wear human shoes to work (they have a similar policy regarding pants, which I oppose) and what’s more, I am cursed with larger-than-average feet, so wearing Crocs has the unsubtle effect of making me appear to have a small aircraft carrier to each of my legs, which is a highly confidence-rattling way to go about your day.

But that’s OK with me, because very soon, Crocs will be known solely as the ridiculous rubber clown shoes that achieved immense popularity largely because Americans will buy anything if their neighbor has one, even if it makes you look like you’re wearing pickles on your feet.

~read more

A reader commented by saying :

I have four pairs and may go out and buy more. Now that they are out of trend, I will enjoy wearing them even more so.

I also bought those little Kibbitz that fit in the holes. Ha ha. It is the only shoe where you can express your personality. Adults need to chill out and have more fun. You only live so long. Don’t worry so much about what others think of your shoes!

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 Yes I love my crocs!

Its wonderfully comfortable and flexible and a little dirty now, long lasting (it has lasted thus far, we shall see how long it’ll last). Its wearing out though, poor shoes.

Its easy to match whatever i’m wearing, or i dont really care try very hard to match my shoes with my clothes every single time. (i used to be like that) There are honestly much more important things in life than ensuring my clothes match my shoes match my accessory match my hijab…

Being overly concern with how i dress all the time can be draining, honestly.

Reminded me of  what my prof said…he was telling us about the exam which will be 100% MCQ. ” the exam hall would be quite empty by the end of 2 hours not because students are done with the paper early but they would be mentally drained after doing some questions.” 

Actually the lectures can be mentally draining as well, maybe. I shared what kind of things he say during lecture before. Dont get me wrong, this is one of my favourite lectures =p

the pfft* nurse

10 Sep

I have a large ugly infected viral warts on the sole of my foot.

Ugh! disgusting i know, that is why im trying to get it out 🙂

So in i went to meet the doc. She was all nice and sweet. Wanted to know why i got it so she checked my feet and hands. I started to smile a little because i know it is only under my foot and its because my shoes are kind of always wet after i take abolution. Cant help it 🙂 or maybe i can take more efforts in caring for my dear feet.

She prescribed the liquid nitrogen treatment, 4 times!

I remembered it to be piercing pain. This nurse was kind of ‘extra’.

Nurse: Ok, Let me tell you about warts. Before that tell me what the doc told you.

Me: urm…*bite teeth* i’unno

(am i on test or something? And urm nurse, im here for treatment not test. AND I HAVE DONE THIS TREATMENT BEFORE)

Nurse: she went on and on about warts and why and blah blah blah…(i cant remember because i was half listening) Ok, you can lie down now.

Me: lie down??? (i was never asked to lie down before)

Nurse: just relax ah.

First she cleaned it with some alcohol swipe thing. Then started scrapping the hard, dry skin.

I flinch. ( i didnt know i cant be human or i would have tried to numb my sensory neurons)

Nurse: I haven’t done anything and your wart is really deep so i cant do anything if you cant stand pain.

Me: *pfft* Ok.(gritting teeth) It was just a reflex reaction. I didnt ask you to stop doing it. *sarcastic*

Some silence as she continues causing pain to my pretty little foot. (pure exaggeration)

Nurse: ok but if you cant stand the pain, next time take Panadol before you come.

Me: uhhh???!!! PANADOL? I’m fasting.

So that she can anyhow scrap off the dry skin! What the hell!

Nurse: In the future when your puasa finish you can take panadol. Anyway its normal to bleed when i’m scrapping off the dry skin.

Me: uh? ohh ok…

Was getting worried though when the the blood didnt stop flowing. She kept dabbing it with the paper i was sitting on. Took something to stop the blood from flowing but it didnt work. Then it was dry ice. Another piercing pain and i flinched again! Dry ice on normal skin can give a sharp sensation i think, imagine it on wound! (or its just super sensitive me)

Nurse: I’m going to spray the liquid nitrogen now. Its -196 degree celsius. (she repeated that like i dont know how many times)

Surprisingly, it wasnt as painful i remembered it to be .  Alhamdulilah.

Dont blame me…

10 Sep

Dont blame me when i have no time.

Dont blame me when i am too busy.

Dont blame me because i made time for you but you couldnt afford time for me.

Dont blame me if you needed me but i can’t be there for you.

Dont blame me when you feel like i pushed you away.

Dont blame me because i know i made efforts to sustain what we had.

Dont say, ” you didnt tell me” because i will say,” i warned you when you were too busy to listen”

Dont blame me if one day, we just drift apart.

This is not the first time i ever felt this way, i just couldnt keep it within me anymore. It is the super-sensitive me writing all this crap. Im a crappy person so it doesnt matter.

Dont ask about this unless you want some tongue-lashing 🙂

state of the heavens

7 Sep

I supposedly have lots to share from my class yesterday but now, not much is left (from my memory i mean)

My tafsir ustaz was translating surah Al-waqiah; there was so so much about the heavens.

It seems that there are bidadari(s) (is it fairy or princess in english?) whose eyes are covered at the sides that they only look at you. Its like terpelihara (protected). These bidadari(s) are of course for the inhabitants of the heaven. For those who are unmarried, they’ll be the lucky ones. Those who are married, with spouses in this present life – they will be with their spouses i guess. My ustaz acutally said this (in two different lessons!) everything will be much better. Relationships, feelings everything that one experience here will be maxmised many times. He said imagine the feeling of love (kasih/cinta) between two people here on earth, remove all the negative feelings such as jealousy, unhappiness etc and times that with 100. That would be how it’ll be like in heaven. He mentioned berjunub, or was it ber jimak with your spouse would be many times better.

Even amongst friends/strangers we won’t say bad things to hurt others, no lies, nothing negative would be uttered in heaven. Only happiness and goodness is present.

An old lady asked Rasulullah whether she would be able to go to heaven and he said no, there are no old people in heaven. She was so sad. He said, what he meant was that peoploe never grow old in heaven. Forever young, pretty, perfect. The bidadari/ women would have the most perfect eyes(just elaborating on one aspect) – the blackest of pupils, the whitest of white, not too big, not too small…simply beautiful.

Besides that of course, there will be alcohol (arak) but it wont make one high or feel dizzy or have any bad effects on the one drinking it. Everything will be nice and good. There are rivers of drinks which we can savour from. If you drink/eat you do not have to go to the toilet. No sickness would come to the inhabitants of jannah (heaven).

There will be khemah (residing place) where these bidadari(s) would be. These khemahs would be so so vast that one person won’t be able to see another person at the other end.

It wouldnt be too cold nor too hot. Just perfect.

Imagine perfect and that is what you’ll get in heaven. That is how i envision it. There is more of what he said but this is all i can manage for now. Hope it was insightful 🙂

p.s. i bet we all wanna go heaven so badly…so better be good boys and girls!