Archive | November, 2009

there is more to the rose and maybe the pictures;)

29 Nov

*I* refers to you know who *wink*, not me! haha (im just trying to be careful)

The place i wanted to go badly, it was supposedly some other couple’s secret hiding place but *I* found the place somehow 🙂 Thank you! (shall not be so meluat online later others jealous)

 

On the oh so comfortable ‘couch’! We love it! Except *I* might be allergic to rattan or the insects there which we cant see but loves him 😉

Some ferries we caught sight of…and the very beautiful sunset

And there he is on the couch again, hehe i made him pose. My unwilling model =p

Then he went to sleep. I left him there on his comfortable insect-infected couch…hehe…

oklah…how can i leave him there, so i dragged him to home-sweet-home!

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(:

26 Nov
This is more than just a rose 🙂
  
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I left three lines to make sure people understood that the flower has nothing to do with whatever i shared below which was random. I happened to come across this (whatever you see below) on the same special day.
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I read this just a while ago on someone’s profile on some site. ( im choosing to be discreet about it) 
This guy, he left me a message if you must know,  so i decided to look at his profile out of curiosity. And there, besides basic profile information, you can describe yourself and what you want in a partner. In the third section, what you want in a wife, he has placed this very words which i thought to share.
 
I was just touched by it, which sounds alot like the Quran verses…the sweet milk, the wine and halvah (sweet), date palm etc.
 
 

May it be sweet milk,

this marriage, like wine and halvah.

May this marriage offer fruit and shade

like the date palm.

May this marriage be full of laughter,

our every day a day in paradise.

May this marriage be a sign of compassion,

a seal of happiness here and hereafter.

May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,

an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky.

I am out of words to describe

how spirit mingles in this marriage.

May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
  
~ Rumi, Kulliyat-i-Shams 2667

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Salam Eid ul Adha to all!

It has not just rained but poured in Jeddah, where millions of people are performing their pilgrimage. Let us hope all went well for them!

 
 
 

smile~.~

23 Nov

“A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows, and bubbles all around” ~ Carolyn Birmingham

gender equalities issue

17 Nov

I was doing some reading about gender equality issues in India and i found this rather nice paragraph about women rights in India, how it might affect the natural family dynamics and whether education should be differentiated for men and women, whether women should be allowed to work and achieve economic independence.

According to some, being economically independent means they are given more options to marry or not to marry, to stay in a bad marraige or not etc. The number of recorded divorces are significantly lower than in the west. Note: RECORDED divorces, some women just stay in the marriage because of the stigma they will face as as divorcee in the traditional society they live in.

What then happens if more and more women opt to be single because they dont have to depend on men?

Enough of my thoughts and here it is the quote :

Families are seen as suffused with love and altruism- ‘the heart of the heartless world’ Resources and tasks are assumed to be shared equitably, so as to take account of everyone’s needs. Incomes are assumed to be pooled, preferences shared, and decisions jointly-made. Conflicts either do not surface or get easily resolved

introducing interesting blog :)

16 Nov

For those of you whole love travle stories, check out liyapilly.wordpress 🙂

(dont wanna link her because she might find out)

She has wonderful stories of Morroco and Spain. She is a real traveller! Have fun, she just put photos from her trip up.

~!~@#

10 Nov

IMG_8894IMG_8896IMG_8903IMG_8907

IMG_8918IMG_8919IMG_8921IMG_8927IMG_8939IMG_8942IMG_8946

no idea what title i should give

9 Nov
  • Allah, most Gracious says about spouses in Quran:

Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. Qur’an [30 : 21]

  • Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:

…Marry the women of your choice… Qur’an [4 : 3]

  • Narrated Abdullah: “We were with the Prophet, peace be upon him, while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah’s Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.'” [Bukhari]
  • Narrated Abu Huraira: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.'” [Bukhari]
  • Narrated Ibn Abbas: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `If anyone of you, when having a sexual intercourse with his wife says: In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Satan and protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. an offspring) from Satan and if it is destined that they should have a child, then Satan will never be able to harm him.'” [Bukhari]
  • Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.

Read more here!

ABCs of the M word…

8 Nov

You must be wondering why so many stuff on marriage 😉 I just happen to come across some interesting stuff while searching for a site which i used to visit. She has really good articles.

The purpose of Marriage.

The word “zawj” is used in the Qur’an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger – i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is “mithaq” – a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don’t like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1) consent of both parties.

2) ” Mahr” a gift from the groom to his bride.

3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.

4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Is Marriage obligatory? read more here! No harm gaining more knowledge 😉 It might not all be true…

Mahr vs dowry/hantaran

7 Nov

The link i posted yesterday on the etiquettes of Islam or something, something she said caught my eye and i wasnt sure it can be fixed.

Its the Mahr’ in muslim marriages. Frequently confused with DOWRY in the indian culture or the HANTARAN in the malay culture. It should not be treated as the same. Jannah mentioned in her blog that the Mahr should be around 3* the salary of the man. (that is alot!, ok maybe not for the standard today)  I just dont agree that it should be fixed. Of course its nice if its fixed…we know how to gauge ourselves that way. BUT ITS NOT.

Oh i just recalled a dear friend who asked me to find some facts about this before, whether Hantaran was in Islam or not. I was quite sure it isn’t. I wonder to myself alot, why then do people still do it? Why just follow…

I had this interesting idea a few hours ago about how it’ll be nice to just….(shall only tell the person who is involved in my *crazy* ‘plans’)

*hint* has to do with n**** (im so so secretive, people can get mad with me!)

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Prior knowledge:

  1. I used to call it the Emas Kahwin, in English, gold (as in jewellry) of  marriage.
  2. It is given to the wife during the nikah (signing of the official marriage contract). Will be mentioned when the ‘Qadi’ holds the guys hand and say all that the man promises to do, be responsible for. ” You are marrying *so and so* for a hantaran of *$$$* …….sah!” haha vague memory of my brother’s wedding. I took a video of his marriage vow but i cant find it anymore. yikes! 
  3. I attended 1 nikah in Singapore (brother’s), 2 in Malaysia (cousins brothers) and 1 in India (that i understood close to  nothing).
  4. The mahr (emas kahwin) is whatever amount the women asks (stated in the quran!) There is a hadis i will share later.

Now…what i found out 🙂

  • In the first era of Islam marriage was a simple affair, without pomp or ceremony. Any expenditure incurred in its performance was quite minimal, and not a burden on either family. Indeed, the Prophet stated: ‘the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.’ (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255).

Ain’t it nice if marriages were still like that, a simple affair.

  • The mahr is a compulsory part of an Islamic marriage contract. The other words for mahr generally used in the Qur’an are sadaqah and ajr, meaning reward or gift to the bride in which there is profit but no loss, and faridah, literally that which has been made obligatory, or an appointed portion. Allah commanded: ‘Give women their faridah as a free gift.‘ (4:4) -> means you can refer to the Quran Surah An Nisa, verse 4.
  • It is a gift of money, possessions or property made by the husband to the wife, which becomes her exclusive property. It is an admission of her independence, for she becomes the owner of the money or property immediately, even though she may have owned nothing before.
  • The Prophet gave each of his wives a payment of mahr, ranging from token sums, the granting of freedom from slavery when being made a wife, to the payment of 400-500 dirhams. His wife Umm Habibah’s mahr consisted of 4000 dirhams, this sum having been fixed by Najashi, the Negus (a Christian ruler) of Abyssinia. (Abu Dawud, Kitab an-Nikah, 2:235).
  • There was in fact no fixed upper limit for mahr. Allah required the provision to depend upon the circumstances of the husband:

‘…the wealthy according to his means, and the straitened in circumstances according to his means. The gift of a reasonable amount is necessary from those who wish to act in the right way.’ (2:236).

In a famous case, the second Caliph, Umar b. al-Khattab, once gave a public sermon in which he asked the congregation to refrain from fixing heavy mahrs, and stated that the Prophet had declared no-one should give more than 400 dirhams. A woman immediately stood up and challenged him, quoting the verse 4:20 from the Qur’an: ‘But if you decide to take a wife in place of another, even if you had given the first a heap of gold (quintar) for a dowry, you shall not take the least bit back.’ Umar went back to the minbar and withdrew his words stating ‘the woman is right, and Umar is wrong. Whoever wishes may give as much property as he wishes to give.’ (Ibn Hajar al-Athqalani, Fath al-Bari, 9:167).

  • It is unIslamic for a Muslim woman to set a huge demand for herself, with the intention of deterring suitors of humble means. Islam does not require husbands and wives to come from the same social strata or income brackets – although this may often seem to be advisable. Islamic compatibility is based on religious faith and mutual respect, not on money, caste (another Hindu custom), class, background, nationality, etc.

Ask your mum to see this Adilah! 🙂 Islam is beautiful, dont make it hard for a man who want to marry your daughter the rightful way. Willing to give your daughter anything. Show her that?

  • If the prospective husband is not a wealthy man, a generous wife may choose to accept very small mahr, but this has to be her own free choice. She should not be coerced or have pressure put on her in any way. Some of the Prophet’s female companions accepted their husbands’ conversions to Islam, or memorising of ayat of the Qur’an, or giving education to others as their mahr.
  • A good woman might agree on a low mahr if she wishes, or none at all, according to the circumstances of her husband.

All can be taken from here. Read more if you wish 😉 Hope it was insightful and helpful!

6 Nov

Another very interesting post in relations to Lebanese/Arab men…and hymen reconstruction by whom? Read more to find out.