12 Mar

I knew i was going to visit him but i was filled with a tad of fear deep down when i reached outside his room. He is very much a stranger to me as i was to him. A relative. Seen a lot but never spoke to even once. As i stood next to him lying so helplessly on the bed, a million thoughts ran through my head.

Breathing, which we take for granted looked like something he had to do with a lot of help from the many machines surrounding him. I was afraid for myself more than for him.

I wondered, do i want to be like that? I’d rather be left to go back to Allah, as easily as possible, when i am sick instead of being stuck to machines in my nose and mouth and everywhere else. But who am i to choose?

I remembered my late grandfather, who passed away after being sick for so long. My mum told me it was when he saw his youngest daughter, at last, when he let out his last breath. We were all there, in my grandma’s house. I was too young to feel any grief.

When i thought back about this man, still lying here – his roh still inside him. *please dont get me wrong, its not like i want him to die* He has 2 daughters abroad and one came down a week ago. Another daughter is too far away to travel. She is also incapable of traveling the distance. I thought of how he felt towards his daughters and what he went through when they got married and left her nest. Did he feel sad alot? Did he always wish they could be near him?

My mum asked me and my cousin to *usap* his arm because she said he would be able to feel. I prayed to god to ease his suffering; in whatever way because its all in His hands.

We went to visit his wife after that. I thought she would be tired and asleep by that time but she instead invited us saying she is not asleep yet at 11pm.*The need for others to show that they care for her. Perhaps feels lonely.*

She complained about how difficult it was looking after her husband and sick adult son (also in the same hospital now) that her own health condition is getting worse and she cant take care of them on her own anymore. I pitied her. I wondered if she wanted her husband to leave and ease her suffering or she wanted him to live. *i dont think its wrong* Put yourself in her shoes and answer. Looking after him has become a burden and she cant do it anymore. I was guessing the prior but one never know. My mind went to other things like are they still happy together after more than 50 years together…

Reflection is good for the soul. 🙂 I was exhausted but glad i made the trip there.


4 Responses to “reflection”

  1. nisa March 12, 2010 at 11:46 am #

    may allah show his mercy upon him.

    • parv~.~ March 12, 2010 at 1:59 pm #

      Insyallah 🙂 Ameen…

  2. sakila March 14, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    parvin, lucky i ajak u go to visit datuk, if not u tak dapat tengok dia lagi..
    semoga roh nya dicucuri rahmat…

    • parv~.~ March 14, 2010 at 9:18 pm #

      Alhamdulilah 🙂 Ameen. Thanks for stopping by~

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