Archive | September, 2010

Avoiding suspicion and Infidelity

30 Sep

From here 🙂

One of the ills that unfortunately our community is experiencing at this time is of suspicion and infidelity. Below are some steps you can take to avoid this problem in your marriage.

A Daily Dose of Love

A husband and wife both should make a concerted effort to give each other the attention and love they need on a daily basis. This is a very simple step but many neglect it. In reality, you can never show your love and gratefulness enough. The reason you got married in the first place was to be together in this life and in the hereafter; so show appreciation with your actions and words to keep the love and commitment alive in your relationship.

Satisfaction

A big factor for infidelity is a lack of sexual activity in a marriage. The ‘honeymoon phase’ will come and go, but this doesn’t mean your active life should end. It is important to understand that once hormones have calmed down a bit, it would be best to openly discuss with each other your needs sexually –there is no shame in that. Remember, there are temptations surrounding us from all directions, therefore having a good healthy sexual relationship with your spouse can ward off much of this temptation.
However, it would be important to know the boundaries and limitations set by Islam with regards to intimacy, and everyone should be well aware of these aspects to avoid falling into the deep traps of Shaytaan.

No flirting (outside of marriage!)

Flirting is a common and often trivialized occurrence that happens a lot at places like the work place; a simple smile, laughing at jokes with the opposite gender, a slight touch here and there, a wink, or a deep look. All these will lead your heart away from the commitment you have with your spouse, and in fact would be opening the door to infidelity. The best defense in this case would be to stay as far away from interactions with the opposite gender as possible. Don’t even go near, as the old saying goes, if you play with fire you will get burned.

Beware of those Business Trips

This one is also taken lightly, but many love affairs do happen at work. Business trips can be the perfect opportunity for Shaytaan to trap you and make you commit a grave sin.
What can you do to avoid temptation and how can your spouse help? Try a few simple steps and you will do just fine with the help of Allah:
-Firstly stay as much in contact with your spouse as possible. The one taking the trip should take the initiative since that will make the spouse at home more comfortable.
-Secondly avoid flirting with a coworker in any way, shape, or form.
-Lastly do not share meals or dinners with the opposite sex anytime during your trip.
-If anyone happens to express their feelings for you please stop them dead in their tracks and tell them you are happily married.

Keep your Business Private

Always keep your relationship information private from others. This is another one of the causes of marriages breaking apart and infidelity creeping in, as you would be sharing your concerns about your relationship with a person other than your own spouse. This may cause feelings to develop and then Shaytaan will takeover. Always make sure to talk to your spouse directly with regards to any issues within your relationship instead of an outsider.

Harmless Online Chats

The reality is that online chatting can be very detrimental as this can lead to all the dangerous points mentioned earlier. It allows for those same factors while making you think that you are doing nothing wrong religiously or morally. But the opposite is true since this is just the first step to a very problematic state of affairs.

Trust your spouse

Trust each other, set boundaries together, and discuss your needs and wants openly. Once these things are in place then give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and trust them. Know that if they were to wrong you Allah is the ultimate Witness, and justice will be served either in this life or the hereafter.

Don’t Ignore

If a spouse raises any red flags or any other concerns they have about their relationship with you then don’t just ignore them, resolve them instead. Ignoring these issues may lead to them feeling neglected, which opens the door for confiding with others, which opens the door to infidelity. So listen and respond to any issues your spouse raises with you and discuss anything that they are concerned about –this will help strengthen your relationship with each other.

The blame game

Finally if one of the spouses does get caught doing something, then under no circumstance do you let them blame you for their mistake. They are most likely not regretful if they are blaming you, and they may probably continue to do the same things over again. You must make it clear to them that they must respect you and respect your rights, and that they must admit their mistake. Finally you should decide the fate of your relationship and not them. It may seem like a tough choice, but do not let them make you feel that you are in a position of weakness; rather you should be the one who gets to decide the consequences and the future for your marriage in this situation.


Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team

Getting married young

29 Sep

From here 🙂

In this article we will see what the positives and negatives of getting married at a young age as Muslims.

Pros

  • The husband and wife will be able to protect themselves from all the temptations that surround them. At a young age, temptation levels are at their peak and it is generally very hard to control one’s desires. This should be one of the top reasons for getting married young. This is also the age when the sex drive of the males is at its peak, and women have their highest levels of confidence, so this would be the best time to enjoy one another the most.
  • The couple will be able to grow together through good and hard times, and be a support for one another throughout their lives.
  • Younger people can adapt easily to changing environments and it’s easier for them to break bad habits as compared to people who are older. This can help the two to persevere throughout their relationship as they grow older and can live together as a happy couple.
  • Getting married young brings about responsibility and maturity at a much younger age. Both the wife and husband become more mature and responsible and settle into their roles. Also younger couples develop a love for each other and are generally more helpful with the other’s chores and responsibilities; they see each other as supporting roles in the relationship instead of concrete defined roles of a husband and wife.
  • Marrying young also has the benefit of having children early, making it easier for the couple to raise them since they themselves will be young and full of energy and will be able to relate to their children more. The couple’s parents can also enjoy playing with their grandchildren a lot longer as they will still be in their 40’s or 50’s.

Cons

  • Sometimes when people are too young and not mature enough and they don’t know what they want, they end up with a divorce very soon after getting married. Also at a young age people’s emotions tend to override their rationale and this leads to many divorces within younger marriages.
  • Hard financial times can also put a damper on a relationship, as young married couples cannot cope with the responsibility and break under the financial pressures. This is also a major factor in young couples getting divorces.
  • Younger couples have certain expectations sexually, and if they are not met they tend to be very emotional and are quick to break apart instead of trying to resolve these issues.
  • Parents can also get too involved in the relationship of the married couple as they feel that they are too young and treat them like children. Believe it or not, if the young couple doesn’t set boundaries from the beginning, then their marriage can be in jeopardy due to their own parents.
  • Finishing school can be very difficult and therefore having a strong footing in the long term can also be very difficult. Many couples face the difficulty of having to pay bills while both are not earning enough due to school, which can cause them to seek employment rather than finish school, leading to a life of mediocrity in the long run.


Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team

Tips for a happy and Successful marriage

28 Sep

From here 🙂

The following are some amazing tips that every couple should follow to have a happy and successful marriage:

Get married with the right intention and go forward step by step:
Both spouses should get married with an intention to get the blessings and grace of Allah, the Almighty. Then this marriage becomes an act of worship which will certainly reward the couple. The reward comes in the form of stability, ensuring peace and happiness in their life. This act of worship should be renewed with the passage of time to keep the life on correct path.

Keep in mind that your spouse is also a brother or sister in Islam:
Most of the time Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity but when it comes to their own home they treat their spouse differently. Islam always suggest that one’s spouse is also another brother and sister and the rights and duties which is applicable to other brothers/sisters in Islam should also be applied to marital relationship.
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: None of you are true believers until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. [Bukhari,2/12] Subhanallah, how many marriages could this hadith alone save? It counters every kind of negative treatment and encourages good treatment!

Do not hold Unrealistic Expectations:
Before Marriage, people envision unrealistic expectations for their spouses and want them to be perfect in all aspects. This is very rare and always leads to unnecessary problems and concerns. Allah created human beings with some imperfection which suggests that humans will make mistakes throughout their lives. Do not expect much from your spouse and when you receive something beyond your expectation from your spouse then this will undoubtedly please you. This, in turn, leads to contentment within the marriage.

Focus on the best in your Spouse:
Since no one is born with all the qualities; one should concentrate on the positive qualities of the spouse and always try to encourage and praise to strengthen the existing qualities and motivate to develop the others. Always try to overlook and ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet (PBUH) said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” [Muslim, 8/3469]

Be your Mates’ best friend:
Think about what a best friend means to you and if you have a best friend, then it should be your spouse. Best friend means the person with whome you can share your interests, experience, dreams, failure and upsets. So try to involve yourself in understanding the likes and dislikes of your spouse and try an attempt to please him/her by any possible way. A best friend usually be the one who can be confided to trusted and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would like to have throughout the life.

Spend Quality time together:
It’s not sufficient to just share meals; chores and small talks together to keep strong marital relations. Spouses should find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Couples usually get stuck to their own separate tasks and are not able to spend time together. Quality time can range from having a quiet, profound conversation, to going for a nice long walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy any particular option they opted for and element of distraction should be kept minimum init.
The Prophet (PBUH) used to race with his wife, ‘Aisha (RA) Sometimes she won, and sometimes he won. Remember, he was in his fifties at the time!–how many of us think we are to “mature” to do something enjoyable that can also, with a proper intention, count as an act of worship and ring in piles of good deeds?

Express Feelings Often:
It is important that both spouses should be open and honest about one’s feelings: both positive and negative. The communication between them should be open and any concerns should be resolve as early as possible. The rationale is that the concerns seems simple will take a giant form if not addressed properly.

Admit to mistakes and ask for forgiveness:
Usually when we make mistake we ask Allah to forgive us, so in a similar way we should ask our spouses to forgive us. The strong person is the one who admits his mistake and feels sorry for doing it and tries hard to improve themselves so that this mistake would not be repeated again, when a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth development in the marriage.

Don’t dwell on the Past:
It can be very hurtful for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. So it will be of more benefit if a person does not repeat or bring up the mistake which they had done in past.

Surprise each other at Times:
Try to surprise your spouse by bringing home small gifts or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself or sending a secret note in a lunch-box. The idea is to make changes in the routine to make the marital life happier.

Cultivate a Sense of Humor:
Share a joke with your spouse. This particular aspect helps in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home for long term. You always encounters challenges and tests in life, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner helps make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic, and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
In fact, the Prophet (PBUH) himself joked with his wives, as well as with companions (though without lying), and tolerated some companions who were known for being light-hearted and prankish.

Eid Mubarak ~

27 Sep

Mid terms. Assignments. Weekly quizzes. Hari Raya. Visiting. In laws. Agency visit. Hospital visit. New born. Quality time with my dear Husband.

Amidst all that, i just cant find the time to blog. Im sure my readers, who might be close to non-existent, will understand.

Hope this will make it all better 🙂

 

Our family is expanding, MasyAllah. Alhamdulilah (a few days after this photo was taken, another member was born)

Hospital Visit 🙂

Future social workers (hopefully)

And then, the muslim social workers to be went jalan raya!

The action we were all doing is ….an inside joke *hehe*

It was just 5 houses but tiring no less!

learn about autistic children …rather sad actually

7 Sep

Basically they are obsessed with round objects, string like things, their body  parts, stacking and lining things up and doing the same thing over and over again.

They might look cute to us at a young age but only their parents know the difficulty of raising them. Some of them dont talk till a later age. These children do not yearn their parents touch and attention like normal children, instead they are in their own world mostly.