22 Oct

The time to be in the trough is here again. Many reasons to account for it but i am the main reason, my mind.

Sometimes i feel so tired but i just imagining hanging out with a friend at a cafe just chatting the night away about anything under the sky as my tired limbs slowly feel relief, worries seep into the darkness of the night sky. A couple of friends i can think of doing it with but who has the time nowadays.

My Uni friends, who are younger than me asks, how are you coping with school and being married. I joked that my husband can take care of himself. Seriously, i am still getting used to it. I said perhaps i would have lesser time with friends but in fact, my friends have all abandoned me. Not in those words but i said they are busy with their lives as most are working already. I think a couple of friends who know im married asked me this just in one week.

I’ve tried. I dont blame anyone but circumstances maybe.

Little happiness: when i went to engine to eat chicken rice. its different going there with a friend. I miss having it with him.

You just go down down and under before someone realise you’re drowning, lets hope it is not too late. Its one thing after another. Fatigue. Hunger. Loneliness. Mind wanders for solutions to chase it away but nothing seem to fit.

My student noticed the difference in me, she is a girl – girls tend to be more sensitive. But then again, she one drama queen.

I should seek refuge in him, not the worldly life. Insyallah all will be well.

I recommend surah al-kahf (the cafe) with meaning to appreciate it. Masyallah.


The picture painted  is a blatant lie to decieve all the people in the world. Life is not a bed of roses, said  someone living with HIV, in class today.

Irony. She talks about stigma and being sensitive but couldnt there be someone who is homosexual or have HIV in the very class she is talking about? We talk about homosexuality being so common so why not one in the class of 70 students? I had that thought in a couple of classes where people talked about it as if everyone there is straight. An assumption? She said about a uni student having HIV, so it could be from this very class, no? Just my thoughts. We might think we are aware of what we are saying but are we really?


Maybe all i need is a break for a little while….


One Response to “mishmash”

  1. ad October 22, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    i think u r just tired, yes if u rmb at one point of time i also had the same feeling & post abt it too. The days when we have nth to worry or think abt just us being single with friends. i still rmb our long chats at orchard mac cafe, good times i would say. I guess its the “moving-on-with-life” phase. I also rmb the times when i have only ME to care & pamper, well in everything im sure you will find the beauty of the life HE had given to you, always appreciate ur loved ones & spent as much time as with them. (i may saying sense here to u but in actually fact – im also 2 kali 5 dol) hahah 🙂

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