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Conversation this morning with my 17 month old

3 Dec

DS: go down
Ummi: careful (as he maneuver his way down the bed, climbing over me)
DS: open the door
Ummi: where do you want to go?
DS: shop
Ummi: what do you need to buy at the shop?
DS: egg
Ummi: what are you going to do with the egg?
DS: cook
Ummi: who are you planning on cooking for?
DS: (his name)

After looking at some word and picture cards, he wanted more of a particular type of cards and insisted he see it. I said no as I was about to leave for work, he insisted.

He likes to say push ummi just for fun at times and he did that.
ummi: sayang ummi
DS: push ummi, carry you.
Ummi: ummi go to work, you push ummi

DS kept silent as ummi walked away. Sat on the swing and looked down at his lap. I checked on him a few times. He didn’t try to free himself from the buckles of the swing. He looked so sad it made me sad.

Ummi came before leaving from work and asked for a kiss, he said push ummi and kissed ummi. I carried him around before leaving for work.

I wonder if he knew I wanted to leave for work and instead of telling me not to go, he using reverse psychology on me? If I tell ummi to stay, she would go. Of I told ummi to go, she would stay.

I miss him! Together, we miss ayah 😦


I turned around to find you standing in your cot

16 Feb

Alhamdulilah, you’ve managed to stand on your own!

I was busy clearing some toys to make space for new toys. I suddenly turned around to find you standing on your cot while holding the railing.

Just like that!

@ 8 months and 2 days

Insatiable 8 months of you

14 Feb

Dearest son,

The apple of my eye, I love you with every ounce of my heart and every part of my being, more and more each day.

My sweetie pie, how much I miss you doesn’t grow less and less each day but it multiplies each and everyday I’m not with you.

My darling boy, you mean the world to me. Your every smile, your every milestone, your every action makes my heart jump for joy.

It’s like you’re growing so much faster when I m not looking. I push myself to spend my every waking moments of the weekday nights and weekend with you, my precious child.

For as long as I can…I will…give my all to you…

With never ending love,
Your ummi

Sitting down?

3 Feb

You’ve tried sitting a few times but most times it’s not so clear when you actually sit on your bottom.

Now, you’re able to move ever so gracefully into the siting position. Though a bit wobbly, you do it so elegantly. A little different from how I saw anne Mukhlis do it when he was your age. Alhamdulilah.

My darling boy is moving on fours

29 Jan

We watched him crawl on fours today! How wonderful to watch this little person roll from his back to his little tummy and push himself upward and glide forward. And suddenly he can crawl on fours. He can even crawl down little steps!

He was attracted to the little drains in the kitchen. He likes paper too! When uncle Irshad was sitting with some papers he was sorting through, he crawled as quickly as his little knees and legs can bring him towards the papers to grab and crush them.

He’s fast Alhamdulilah. It also means he can’t be left alone for too long or you’ll find him in another part of the house clawing at some wire or string or a bag strap etc. even if you leave him with all his toys. I guess he is an explorer now!

@7 months 15 days

My oh my! My little boy has grown big and strong in just 5 months.

14 Nov

Dearest son,

You’ve grown much bigger and stronger Alhamdulilah. You decide when you want milk and when you don’t. You decide how you want to drink milk and for how long.

This is a challenging time for ummi because I’m back at work. There is lots of juggling to do with pumping milk, storing, carrying home, my WORK which just picked off where I left off and my ever-lengthening to do list.

I suddenly spend so little time with you which will never be enough my sweetie pie.

I think you’re ready for solids but I’m still trying to find out more to give you the best InsyAllah.

You’ve been turning alot more and smiling at me so much. Yesterday when I left for work early in the morning for the 3rd day, you didn’t want to smile at me. 😦 Today you were still asleep when I left work. I gently kissed you goodbye and peeled myself away from my angelic looking baby, you. Ummi will be back as soon as I can…

You’re very curious about your surroundings but you already have preferences.

You started sucking your thumb alot and once I saw you sucking your thumb while asleep and few hours after I put you down to sleep. According to your Emma who is taking care of you now, you’ve been soothing yourself to sleep by sucking on your thumb.

You had your first trip to Siem reap, Cambodia last week with ummi and ayah. We went to see the Ang kor wat and soaked into the people as their cultures. You were pretty well behaved, Alhamdulilah. One of the nights there, you turned to sleep on your tummy while still asleep. You looked so cute! You pooped everywhere while we were on holiday!

I hope I won’t miss out on watching you grow InsyAllah…

I hope I will be able to give you the best in life InsyAllah…

I wish I had it differently.

With lots of love and kisses,
Your ummi

I don’t want to leave you!

11 Nov

Dear son,

It’s a feeling like no other, to leave you and go to work after being with you for 14 months – 9 months in my womb and 5 months outside. I hate having to leave you.

I think I have a choice but I’m ashamed to say I chose work. I’m ashamed even though its not easy to manage on a single income in Singapore and its not like we live a luxurious life. I’m just giving excuses. Well if there is no one to look after you, I would definitely quit to be with you. Now you have a loving grandmother to take care of you while ummi help other people at work. These people need help and so does my workplace. Oh no I still feel like in making excuses. 😥

I love love love being with you and time just flies when we are together! I don’t know where the 5 months went.

No matter how much I kissed you this morning from 5.15 till 7.40am, it didn’t seem enough. I wanted to smell you as much as I can so that I can bring you with me.

I yearn to be with you baby, my dearest son…

I miss you so much and it’s just the beginning of the day 😦

With love & hugs & kisses,
Your ummi

I’ve been guilty of nursing DS to sleep or if he is crying uncontrollably :(

23 Oct

Then I read this:

Nursing is not only nourishing; it’s also nurturing. Your breast is a wonderful place of comfort and security to your child, not just a feeding “trough”. The time spent nursing your baby is a very short period in the total life of your child, but the memories of your love and availability will last him a lifetime. Trust that your baby will fall asleep on his own in time, and enjoy every sleepy moment while it lasts.

Taken from here! Go read the rest of the article if you’re interested.

So I’m not going to stress myself over this and think about the zillion other things on my plate.

As a mother, we make many decision for/ about our kids and we try to make decisions which are in their best interest BUT…

There’s lots to consider and sometimes we have to make the decision on the spot.

Any option would have its pros and cons. We’ll just have to deal with the cons later on. Breastfeeding is wonderful as a whole but there are times we have to do what’s convenient for us to give them the best.

Nursing a baby to sleep helps the baby sleep but it also means baby needs mummy to sleep.

Nursing a baby in the long run means baby sleeps with parents for easier feeding.

If mummy were to be rigid with where, how, when, how much she feeds baby…I’m not sure how long she’d be able to feed baby. This is my opinion; find ways to make it convenient and easy for you.

As always there will be tongue wagging. People talk. About anything. And everything.


Going out without the baby and the husband is…

12 Oct

really different, can’t say how but it reminds me of when I was single. Guess I can pass off as single. I mean I was pregnant for 9 months before baby came so during that time it felt different as well. I guess bringing baby out attracts lots of attention from onlookers too.

The look on my son’s face when I left home was heart-wrenching 😦 I miss him already. I did contemplate bringing him but that would defeat the purpose of the event I would be attending and am already late for. I wouldn’t mind but people would.

Not really looking forward to going back to work now. 😦

Reflections of a mother

21 Aug

It’s painful to watch a mother being treated not too nicely by her sons. Perhaps there are daughters who treat their mothers badly but its more common with the sons.

I’ve secretly wanted a boy for my firstborn and Alhamdulilah Allah gave me a boy. Nonetheless, I would have been as thrilled to have a girl. Why did I want a boy? Hmm I don’t know I’ve always liked little boys. They appear cuter to me than little girls in their pink everything. It’s irks me to see little girls with makeup, a little handbag, miniature high heels and their halter necks with a matching mini skirt. Of course I’ve seen cute little girls and liked them. Oh please I was a little girl myself not too long ago.

When I unfortunately witness unkind treatment towards the poor mothers of the ungrateful sons, I wince, as if a sharp knife pierced through my heart.

I wonder what it would be like for me. Of course all is in His hands and I do’a for the best for my son. But I must be prepared for even the best of sons would have wives to please and families to tend to. I must be prepared for sons would slowly move away from the mothers whose world changed when their sons were born. I must harden my sensitive heart to contain the pain and smile through it all.

DS has not been himself lately and it’s not easy tending to a overtired baby at the end of the day for by then the mother is also overtired. Is there such a word in the mothers’ vocabulary? Guess not! Well to be honest I’m not sure what being himself is, since he is different so much. His sleeping patterns change as he grows. It’s like as soon as I get used to his ways, he decides to find a new way. Sometimes I go crazy and other times I remind myself that he is a baby who needs me, his ummi and I love him dearly so I should patiently tend to his every single need. InsyAllah Allah will give me the strength to give my all no matter the returns.

The other day; I was thinking out loud with the husband on whether it is worth it to be a SAHM or continue building my career and chase my dreams. Well I’m still thinking about it! It’s never an easy decision to leave your dreams and be with your kids. I wonder how my mother did it…