My first born

30 Aug

I brought him for his gym class today because his father had a family event to attend.

I realised just how tiring it was for me perhaps because I just gave birth to a child 3 weeks back or maybe I’m just not very fit. I had fun though but yea to others it might appear like I cannot handle my own child because he was trying to cut the queue, he kept running away from me, he found a ball and a girl took it when he was playing throw it around and they ended up in a tug of ball and I asked him to give it.

What was amazing was he didn’t pinch anyone or push or snatch. I did give him a brief reminder before class to share and play with all his friends. The kids in his class are around his age so there is a lesser tendency for pinching or pushing unlike open gym when the younger babies are usually the targets. Just like poor little syukri at home.

Of late though he expresses more than aggression towards syukri, he attempts to hug and kiss the hand. Even in his attempts he tends to be a little rough.

As I watched him during the separation time where parents just sit and watch as kids play toys together with teachers, I realised he is just so special and I should love all of him including his aggressive side.

He follows instructions well and he didn’t snatch any toys and didn’t push his way to get space on the floor with the toys. After separation time, he went to sit next to the teacher on his own, didn’t look for me first. I realised how young he was and how he needed us.

I made sure to praise him for behaving well in gym class and being the wonderful little boy he is.

When I brought him out a few days back, he didn’t ask me to carry him either. It’s like he know ummi can’t carry him too much. He is just so considerate. He would climb the bus and enter mrt trains on his own, being careful with the steps and the gaps.

It struck me a few days back that my little boy has grown so fast. He can even problem solve! He enjoys listening to me share stories of my travels and sometimes I would tell him about things around us at lengths and he would listen quietly. He is also doing much more at the gym! Alhamdulilah :)

He is able to cycle his tricycle and skate on the skate scooter now.

I love you to the moon and back and much much more!

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Hello grey-eyed boy :)

26 Aug

It has been 2 weeks and my post on howyou came into this world is still pending.

It’s been marvelous getting to know you so far, you’ve been great at drinking and sleeping. Alhamdulilah you’ve been great other than that as well.

Your elder brother adores you; always insisting to sleep next to you and talking to you while you slept. He is a little rough so we are trying to minimize his close proximity to you but to no avail.

Ummi is also trying to manage taking care of the 2 of you and that has been challenging as your elder brother is pretty young and needs a lot of attention too. Insyallah Ummi is as fair as possible to the 2 of my darlings.

It feels different from when I just gave birth to your brother. It could be because you came out naturally. It could be I’m a second time mother so breastfeeding, diaper changing and sleepless nights are not so new to me. It could be I’m not free to time your naptimes as every opportunity I have is time to be spent with your brother who I hope has not been feeling neglected. I just go with the flow and take it in my stride. It might mean a more relaxed mother who is emotionally available, Insyallah.  I’m still working on it.

Today Ummi and your brother had some one on one time to run some errands at bugis. It was pretty tiring for ummi but it was nice.

@ 2 weeks 4 days old

We welcome another little one into our family

8 Aug

I can’t decide how to blog about the new little one so I might do a few different posts.

I find comfort in timeline especially when it all went by so fast it seems surreal.

We have had busy weekends entertaining guests and doing our hari raya visiting.

30 July
first time met Dr Paul Tseng as I heard he is very pro vbac and he can deliver breech babies, at 38 weeks.

He told me that due to my previous c section he wouldn’t be able to do a breech delivery as it’s too risky. He wouldn’t attempt an ecv either. He also said he would be overseas from 6-11August. I was still hopeful to be delivered by him.

He said to scan and have a look. He did a pretty detailed scan and confirmed baby’s head is up. He checked baby’s weight around 3kg. He checked that the cord wasn’t around the neck. He checked the thickness of my previous c section wound which was 4.65mm. It has to be more than 2 to go ahead with vbac.

He placed the scanner down, used his hands to move baby, I didn’t feel much discomfort. Within seconds he was done and he took the scanner and scanned baby’s head and announced what we were thinking in our heads but didn’t believe would be happening, baby’s head is down.

He said you can go back to your doctor now and see what she says.

Alhamdulilah. It was miraculous! I didn’t want to be too excited as baby can still turn back up as baby wasn’t engaged yet. He told me to stay upright and sent me off with a card in case I go into labor before he goes on leave he agreed to deliver me. Alhamdulilah.

We spent the whole afternoon at the zoo with the kiddos. I think it was good I was on my feet the whole time. I also drove there and back.

1 August
we had a couple of open Houses
Sat on the gym ball and rocked back and forth at night. I felt baby’s head lower.

2 august
my brother eventually allowed us to have a look at his flat and we had a small gathering. It’s not entirely ready yet though. We continued visiting a little bit more till the little one slept.

3 august
my appointment with my gynae at Kkh. The last time I met her, she was asking me to schedule a c section as baby was in breech position and that was 3 weeks back at 36 weeks. This time baby was head down, she still insist on scheduling a date for c section after I’m supposed to be due, I chose 14 August because my first born was born on 14 June.

5 august
Brought the little boy for open gym class

6 august
My second appointment at TMC and the little boy’s last vaccination at the polyclinic. I climbed the stairs all the way till 12th storey.

7 august
Brought the little one to the playground, I tried climbing 2 steps at a time from the 6th storey this time to widen pelvis area.

8 august
My contractions started in the morning around 7am. I was still able to sleep in, woke up around 10am and had breakfast. I cooked for the boy while I was having pain. I would run to the yoga ball when I feel the waves rushing in. I had my lunch around 4plus in the afternoon.

Other ways I managed the waves was through cat pose if I don’t have enough time to reach the ball. The most painful was while lying down on the bed as there was no pressure on the area where there is pain. That’s also when the pain will intensify and the contractions were closer. Around 5pm when we were trying to get the boy down for his nap, I tried to rest and that’s when the waves were closer and the husband asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. We started to pack the bag and then it slowed down.

It was like a mad house because the little boy would cry everytime I cried out in pain and say no ummi no pain. He didn’t want to nap or eat. I tried to sit with him and the husband for his lunch and dinner whenever I could. My parents were out while my other brother’s family was overseas. I called my parents back to help out with the little boy so the husband can help me manage pain during labour.

We applied clary sage essential oil from young living to help labour along. We did it twice only.

The husband helped me manage pain for around 2-3 waves and then I had my second warm bath around 10pm. I had back to back contractions. I hung from the washing machine and tap in the toilet. He was timing my contractions and we decided it was time after I tooky bath. My mom bought chicken rice for dinner but I couldn’t eat as it was too intense. She also gave me egg with Milo for energy.

We were supposed to take a cab but as I was wearing my socks before leaving the house, I had the first urge to push, the bearing down feeling. I got scared because I didn’t want to give birth at home. There was alot of uncertainty, was I ready to birth my baby, can I do it, have I opened enough, did I wait too long to go to the hospital, what is the doctor going to do in the hospital?

I asked my mother if someone can send us. My father rushed out and got the car, drove us over. I had a few more urges to push in the car and walking up to labour and delivery.

While waiting for registration, the nurse noticed that I was already in labour so they wanted to check me before calling my doctor. She did a vaginal examination but I screamed in pain because it was so painful. I asked her if she should do that and she insist she must but I said it’s very uncomfortable. She was very rough. She rushed me to a ward. The TV was switched on, the room was very cold, I asked that the TV was switched off and the temperature adjusted. When the other nurses asked how dilated I was, she said she couldnt ask but she feels it’s more than 7cm and my membrane is bulging. I was asked to pee but I didn’t want, I also asked to be allowed to go to the toilet but the midwife said I would just give birth there so they can’t allow me out. I was also fixed to the fetal heart monitor and the other machine to measure contractions. Other nurses tried to check but I told them I’d rather they didn’t because I lose my urge to push. I wanted to ensure that I relax as much as possible so baby can descend and baby would not be in distress causing any unnecessary complications, any reason for doctor to insist for a c section. My doctor came and she checked with no discomfort at all. She also insist on breaking my water bag but it wasn’t painful. I asked if she must and she said it would help me along. She and a nurse guided me to push during contractions. I did from 10:55pm. The doctor wanted to do an episiotomy but the husband stopped her. She didn’t ask me, just conveniently wanted to do it while I was pushing. I said let me try on my own first. After some time I was getting really exhausted, the husband was playing the Quran in the background. I read ayatul kursi. I begged Allah to help me along as I was pushing with all my might and I was supposed to push harder and didn’t know where to get the strength from. The next push he came out at 11.40pm. The doctor reminded me that I cannot stop pushing as his head was already on the way out and I had to push on and I did and heard his cries. His body came out so fast. Looked down and saw my baby covered on blood. The husband cut the cord and the nurse handed him to me. I can’t remember what I did but I remember saying masyallah like a million times while the husband went alhamdulilah w million times. They took him, cleaner him right there, wrapped him up and passed him to me again. After that, was the most unpleasant, sewing up the perineum. I took the laughing gas towards the end as it got really uncomfortable. I looked at my child in the bassinet nearby to distract myself.

Once that was over, the nurse cleaned me up and passed me my child at around 12:05am. He got down to business real quick. He was very alert and wanted to suckle as soon as he could. He even carried his head to face down while he was placed with his cheek on my chest.

After an hour of skin to skin, we waited for an available ward. We arrived at our ward at 3.30am. Baby arrived at 4.30am.

I wished I prepared my birth plan but alhamdulilah it was a beautiful birth, all planned by Allah.

Our first visit to the Central Fire station

6 Apr

The freedom to explore the fire trucks and ambulances were great but I felt that it could have been more exciting with fire and stuff. The demonstration was just with water.

There were a few emergencies so the red rhino, the paramedic on bike and the ambulance left the fire station.  I wondered if they were real or just for demo.

The gallery was quite nice and a little interactive.

The long Easter weekend

6 Apr

Though it was tiring, Alhamdulilah it was well spent with the family.

River safari was better than expected as we got to see many animals up close and those were animals DS likes and enjoyed watching. It was nice to watch DS play and have fun with his cousin. We went with brother and his family.

We saw a lot more like alligators, tiger fish, many different types of cat fish, turtles, tortoises, red panda, river otters, some snakes, even salamander.

It was a pretty long and tiring day for us all, DS slept on the way home and woke up the next morning.

Visiting the in-laws was also part of the plan on the second day. I think I should be happy DS has such a strong attachment to his paternal relations especially his grandfather. He is also doted on by grandfather. I’m thankful number 2 would be coming soon InsyAllah, to stave off some attention from number 1. Actually it’s an assumption because number 1 can be grandfather’s favourite.

After that, we headed to puggol point park. It was pretty nice watching the terrapins up close. DS wanted to play sand so he did till the rain came.

We went out for dinner with mum. Mum was happy she got her tulips. She spent a great deal on big tulips. She wanted to get more flowers but stopped herself.

On the last day, we went to the Singapore Maritime Gallery. Brought back memories from childhood and from a few years back with husband.

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My adorable 21 months old

27 Mar

He didn’t want to sleep last night even though it was lights off and his bedtime. I wasn’t feeling myself and kind of in pain, having coughing fits so I just wanted to sleep.

He was singing some nursery rhymes while rolling around in bed. I was facing away from him and started laughing to myself as I didn’t want to entertain him for fear of him not falling asleep soon.

Little boy: ok now wheels on the bus. Ready on your marks get set go, the wheels on the bus goes round and round…the mummy on the bus goes I love you I love you I love you, the daddy on the bus goes shh shh shh…all day long. Ok now abcd, ready get set go, abcdefghijkl…..Ok now the wheels on the bus…..and he went a few round until he fell asleep.

My little boy is growing and so is my love for him!

Yesterday he had a fall in school and I saw how Allah answers our prayers so fast when we are sincere. This is my hypothesis because I will never know Allah’s reason for answering my prayers. I was on my way for. Home visit to Bukit batok and I knew we would pass toa payoh but mum wasn’t home from fetching little boy yet so I could drop by for a little while. Fortunately, there was an accident on the expressway and the taxi detoured and entered toa payoh. I immediately told him to swing by my mum’s place and after waiting for a few seconds, I saw mum and son at the lift few yards away. I told the taxi driver to hold on while I ran to my son to see if he is ok. Showered him hugs and kisses before I hopped onto the taxi to continue onto my original destination.

Allah works in wonders. Alhamdulilah. And he protected my son from harm.

I don’t want…said my 21 month old

9 Mar

It’s been sometime since I wrote in this space, there were moments I thought would be nice to capture but just didn’t find the time.

In my very limited spare time on the way to work, or at home, I contemplate what I would want to use it for in between work, course work, catching up with family, reading and preparing for the second little one, reading up on the first little one’s idiosyncrasies and just relaxing.

With a little one, there have been many changes. He is speaking better now Alhamdulilah :) yesterday myself and the husband experienced how animated he can be and he really made me laugh out loud. He has been a little more strong willed in the things he want to do . He wants to exercise his right.
I dont want ummi go pray…I don’t why ayah. I don’t want Syukri. I don’t want eat cereal. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to drink milk. Later on, when he wants he will drink the milk on his own. He will also tell us what he wants. I want to play plastacine. I want to see moon. I want play some more. I want biscuit. I want ummi. I want ayah.

I like to see how he interacts with strangers too…he will wave when asked to and say hello aunty with no hesitation most times. When we walked past a neighbor’s place and there was a little dog barking. He stood there and watched. I pushed him past the entrance but he came back to stand in front of the gate where the dog is and said hello dog. He seemed unfazed by the dog barking. When we were leaving, he stood at the gate and looked for the dog who was in a room in the house barking. He wanted to see the dog again and also because we said he could say goodbye to the dog.

When we bring him to the playground, most times he would be more interested in what is going on around the playground and less in the playground itself. I noticed this especially when it’s not a.New playground. If its his first time there he would play quite long. If it isn’t, he would look for the motorcycle, the cat lurking, the boy on the bicycle, the girl on the roller skates, the ants, the vehicles on the road etc. I wonder if it’s because of his curiousity of the surroundings and or which I hope i played a part in cultivating amidst his own thirst for knowledge.

I sense his need to interact more with others but I do sometimes restrict him which I hope to change so that he would be more free to explore new relationships.

Conversation this morning with my 17 month old

3 Dec

DS: go down
Ummi: careful (as he maneuver his way down the bed, climbing over me)
DS: open the door
Ummi: where do you want to go?
DS: shop
Ummi: what do you need to buy at the shop?
DS: egg
Ummi: what are you going to do with the egg?
DS: cook
Ummi: who are you planning on cooking for?
DS: (his name)

———
After looking at some word and picture cards, he wanted more of a particular type of cards and insisted he see it. I said no as I was about to leave for work, he insisted.

He likes to say push ummi just for fun at times and he did that.
ummi: sayang ummi
DS: push ummi, carry you.
Ummi: ummi go to work, you push ummi

DS kept silent as ummi walked away. Sat on the swing and looked down at his lap. I checked on him a few times. He didn’t try to free himself from the buckles of the swing. He looked so sad it made me sad.

Ummi came before leaving from work and asked for a kiss, he said push ummi and kissed ummi. I carried him around before leaving for work.

I wonder if he knew I wanted to leave for work and instead of telling me not to go, he using reverse psychology on me? If I tell ummi to stay, she would go. Of I told ummi to go, she would stay.

I miss him! Together, we miss ayah :(

17 months flew by us do fast just like the aeroplane

14 Nov

Dearest son,

Your favorite is my favorite now. I look out for aeroplanes when we hear the sounds of the plane. I look out for butterflies whenever we sniff a flower nearby. I have to look at where you’re pointing when you say ball and balloon because you spot them much earlier than we do.

Sometimes when I watch you sleep, I wonder where the time went, you’re so tall now. When I carry you while you sleep and nurse in the bus and realized how heavy you are. When I watch your playful demeanor, I wonder where you picked it up or is it you.

You had your first big injury one day after you turned 17 months. It was as if someone hurt me, I could feel the pain in my heart. You were the bravest boy, hardly wincing as I applied young living oils to aid healing amidst lots of prayer that it is not more serious than it looks. But trust me when I say it looks bad, really deep wound you got as you tripped in your paternal grandparents’s house and hit your chin at the corner of their television rack. I am thankful to Allah that it didn’t hit your eye or nose or forehead. Alhamdulilah you are healing well. I was so glad I could nurse you immediately after your fall to calm you down. I think the whole episode reminded me to be thankful manifolds to Allah.

Your loving your books and we have recently started on arts and crafts. You love playing with beans! After playing beans one day, you reminded me you wanted to play it again by saying this, “beans” “spoon” “cup” the things you used to play beans.

We have also been venturing outdoors to be closer to nature. We watched fish in a stream at bishan park. We flew kite at marina barrage after which we had some water fun. We spotted turtles, fish and swans at botanical gardens. We visited some monkeys at Macritchie.

With love,
Your ummi

I love how you say butterty

3 Nov

We have been taking more nature walks  so you’ve been seeing the flora and fauna around us instead of at the zoo/ controlled environment.

Whenever ummi spot a butterfly, I would swoop you into my arms so we can watch the butterflies together as they flutter around flowers and us. We’ll watch as they land on a flower, go closer so we can watch as it flutters to another flower.

You used to call it papa. And a weekend ago, you said bu-ter-ty. Now it’s even closer.

We had great fun watching little fishes in the stream/ longkang. There was a family who were catching fish with just a small rectangle net and a little blue pail where they placed the goldfish they caught. I think I’ll do that with you when you are a little older. It’ll be so much fun!

We also saw monkeys and what’s left of terrapins at Macritchie Zig zag bridge where ummi used to see during cross country runs while at school. I think I would like us to take care of terrapins together when you are older. I hope you’d want.

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